Top 10 Christmas Wishlist

Happy Thanksgiving to You And Yours! Hope you didn't eat TOO much, save some for the cockroaches! Hey, they gotta eat too, ya know!

Now for the important stuff! *chuckle*

Here is my Christmas Wishlist. If you're feeling generous, your act of selflessness will be appreciated. Maybe Santa will be really good to me this year, I've been a REALLY good boy! NOT! ;)

1) Philips 51" HDTV, only $799 tomorrow (Black Friday) at Circuit City. Hey, with the bitchen' sound system I have, time to dump the ol' Zenith 27" NTSB tube set. Archaic technology now. Sure doesn't do Lord of the Rings or Star Wars the justice they deserve.

2) Step (running) boards for my truck. Already looking pretty "trick," but this'll be even better. Easier for short chicks to get in without me having to boost 'em in -- not that I do anyway. You know who I'm talking about. hehehe.

3) Bedliner. Practical feature Ford neglected to include in the new F-150 line.

4) Motorola Razor. Once owned a StarTac which was my favorite. I understand this is essentially the replacement model. A Treo would be even better instead. But will settle for the Razor.

5) Gift Certificates to JCPenny and/or Mervyn's.

6) A New Pair of boots!

7) Ionic Breeze Professional from Sharper Image.

8) Blue Man Group Tickets.

9) Starry Night Enthusiast 5.0 E.T. Phone Home! *chuckle*

10) Celestron Skymaster Astronomy Binoculars So E.T. can see his house. ;)

Hey, if you REALLY want to help me out with these things, drop me a note and I'll tell ya where to send the $$. ;)

EDIT, 17Dec: Item 4 can be crossed off your list. Due to an unfortunate mishap and flat feet, I've actually been able to turn an unpleasant situation into something quite pleasant. I now own the black Razr v3! Which, by the way, really is quite a phone. Though not the Treo, still a step up from the v551!

Things To Say On Thanksgiving

Here's something for a little chuckle. Enjoy!

Things To Say On Thanksgiving

1.Talk about a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It's Cool Whip time!

4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!

5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!

6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!

18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

19. How long do I beat it before it's ready

The Retrosexual Movement

Can I get an Amen...??!!

The "Retrosexual movement. "
Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement. "

The Code :
A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an end cap (possibly 2 end caps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.

This falls under the "Dealing With It" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women.

Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak wood chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie – and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can – or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are riddled with fear. Guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up".

Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing, stomping or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish usually do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your pickup truck.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants.

Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL WITH IT, or both.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!

Something A Little Fun... What Peanuts Character ARE YOU?

You are Franklin!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Took this little quiz out of curiosity and was quite surprised at the result. Actually had considered myself more like Good Ol' Charlie Brown. I guess we learn more about ourselves every day as well. Check it out and share your results!

The Truth About Our Humanity, In a Nutshell!

I've not posted much lately, but this morning had a bit of inspiration. I've been doing a lot of re-thinking of my life and life in general. This is something that has come to me and I'd like to share with my readers. Please comment, if you wish, whether you agree or disagree.

Humanity has become shallow as a whole and hence lost sight of true reality. Reality does not stop at that which is seen, rather it is barely the beginning! There is so much that is unseen. Some say the Human Adventure lies in space. While space is exciting and something we must explore and learn about, there is so much more to be learned from within ourselves. Space is not the Final Frontier. The Final Frontier is our true being, our spirituality and how we connect with the cosmos and all of creation.

If we can move beyond the flesh, realize this is a mere shell that contains our very essence, our spirits, what/whom we REALLY are, then the possibilities are endless. Unfortunately, man has a natural desire to dominate. Hence, religion. Religion is merely a man-made institution to control the masses. There is, of course, the Greed Factor, but that's a whole new discussion. Rules and regulations about how to behave have been put into place to keep people in check. In truth, that which we do not understand terrifies us. Therefore it MUST BE EVIL. Wrong answer. The unknown is just that, the unknown; an opportunity to expand our knowledge and grow from it.

Controlling another only begets chaos. When two or more are in sync, of the same mind-set, events unfold naturally, without resistance. It is much easier to produce desired results with cooperation rather than control. Acceptance, as Osho teaches, leads to contentment and far less frustration. When society learns that simple theory, wars will cease, harmony will flourish. The problem is, mankind needs to shift focus from selfish desires, accumulating wealth and pursuits to that which comes more naturally.

One thing I have found in my life is that goals, whether material or otherwise, are more satisfyingly obtained with cooperation and harmony rather than control and frustration. In many cases, those goals we set out to obtain turn out to be less important than we had originally thought, especially if the road to that goal was fraught with frustration and the need to control the situation.